Often I hear people say that they may not be able to foster or adopt a child, but they want to help. So, how can you help? What can you do to support those who are fostering, adopting, or providing services to those in care?
There are so many things that you can do. Here are my top tips for how you can support foster and adoptive parents.
1. Help them prepare. Foster parents often have a very short window of time to prepare for a child when they get the call. Some may receive a child in their care in the middle of the night. Find out what they need and see what you can provide to get them through those first few nights. For adoptive parents, you can also find out what they need. Maybe they need a crib, bed, and other items to prepare.
2. Drop off coffee. Foster and adoptive parents experience a lot over those first few days, weeks, and months. Often, there is little sleep. Just dropping by with coffee can make a big difference in their day.
3. Check on them. This one can go right along with tip #2. While there is often little sleep, there are also times of loneliness. Being a new foster or adoptive parent is a big challenge. Sometimes, a foster or adoptive parent just needs to talk or vent. When you drop off that coffee, ask them how they are doing. Or, just give them a call or text them to check in.
4. Take them a meal. This is one of the best tips and one of the most helpful things that our family received when we became foster/adoptive parents. Just getting a meal or two when a child first arrives can help the foster/adoptive parents to focus on spending time with the child and focusing on their needs rather than having to prepare dinner.
5. Offer to fold laundry. This may seem like a very small thing, but believe me, it is a huge help! Our family of three became a family of six in a matter of two weeks. It's amazing how much laundry there is to do on a daily basis. When you receive a child in your home, it's often the cleaning and laundry that gets neglected.
6. Offer to clean. Even just dusting, sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming is super helpful to new foster/adoptive parents. Just as the laundry often gets neglected, the cleaning tends to be put on the back burner, especially during those difficult days.
7. Be careful with advice and opinions. The ways in which we parent and support our children is quite different due to the trauma and loss they have experienced. Be supportive rather than judgmental.
8. Respect privacy. Children in foster care have experienced so much trauma and so much loss. Their story, is their story. Their privacy is so important. If you happen to learn something about them, keep it in confidence. Failing to respect their privacy negatively affects the hard work that we as foster/adoptive parents are doing to build trust and attachment.
9. Support fundraising. You may not be able to foster or adopt a child. Maybe you are not able to support families with the tips above. One way you can support foster care and adoption is through donations. Our family supports Agape of NC. We are thankful for their support throughout our foster care and adoption journey. They are currently fundraising for their Worth It! campaign. If you are interested in donating, you can my personal fundraising link:
https://agapeofnc.networkforgood.com/projects/146279-kara-finch-s-fundraiser Help me reach my goal of $250 before December 1st!
10. Pray. This is the most important tip of all. Pray for the foster and adoptive families. Pray for the parents. Pray that they will have the wisdom to say and do the right things to help build resilience, trust, and love with their foster/adoptive child. Pray for the foster/adopted children. Pray that they will receive the love, encouragement, and support that they need. Pray that they will receive the resources they need to work through their trauma. Pray that they will learn resilience and develop positive relationships with their foster/adoptive parents. Pray for the biological children in the home. Pray that they will be supportive and understanding of the challenges that may come. Pray that they will be kind and loving. Pray that they will also receive the much needed support throughout this process.
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