Our Story- Foster Care

May is National Foster Care Month. I promised to not only share information about foster care this month, but to also share our story. I was trying to decide how I would begin and quickly realized that in order to begin to tell our story, I have to start at the very beginning of our journey, which began in 2006.

In March of 2006, Creig and I were so excited to find out that we were pregnant. We couldn’t wait to tell all of our family and start planning a nursery. Sadly, we went through the tremendous pain of losing that precious baby. After working with my doctor and using fertility treatments, we became pregnant again. I remember being terrified, but thankfully nine months later our beautiful Meredith was born. My pregnancy with her was rough and my delivery was very difficult.

Two years later, Creig and I decided that we wanted to try to have another child. With the help of my doctor, we again used fertility treatments for quite some time. We then decided that we would stop the treatments and just put it all in God’s hands. Creig and I had discussed many times the different options we had. We considered domestic or international adoption. We considered adopting through foster care. We considered the fact that maybe we were meant to be the parents of one child. When Meredith turned 9, we really began researching adoption through foster care. We didn’t want to make the decision without talking to Meredith, so we had multiple conversations with her and explained everything. Our biggest concern was the fact that any child that entered our home could be reunified with their birth family, which would mean that Meredith would also experience that loss. Her response to that is what solidified our decision. She said, “Well, I will be sad, but I will be happy to know that we could love them and take care of them while their mom and dad couldn’t.”

We read everything we could about foster care, talked to people who had been foster parents, and had multiple conversations with the director of Agape of NC. In April of 2016 we began the foster care licensing process. We completed our home study, fire inspections, background checks, fingerprinting, extremely long- 35 page family self-study, CPR and First Aid certifications, trainings, and so much more.

We received a phone call in May of 2017 letting us know that we were officially licensed. We were also told that our agency preferred to have new families provide respite at least one time before they have a child placed in their home. This way they can see what it is like to have someone new entering their home and the effects it can have on everyone in the family. On May 23, 2017, we received our first call and were asked to provide respite for a sibling group of three.  A (female) was 6 years old, L (male) was 3 years old, and A (male) was 2 years old. We were told that these siblings had been in foster care for almost a year and a half and that their foster mother had to go out of town. She just needed someone to provide respite for Memorial Day weekend. We agreed, but had absolutely no idea how this three day experience was going to change our lives forever. We picked them up on Friday and they had to go back home on Monday. We fell in love with these three kids in just a matter of days and I was so sad to have to watch them go.  

It was just a week and a half later, on June 5, 2017 that Creig and I were having lunch in my office and received another call from the director of Agape. She informed us that she had received a call about an infant that was currently in the hospital in Chapel Hill. She was just a month and a half old and had been in the hospital since birth due to a heart defect requiring open heart surgery. She told us that the agency and the area DSS had been looking for a family to take her for days and had not had any luck. Creig and I immediately said “yes, absolutely. We will take her”. She told me that at least one of us would have to go to the hospital and stay overnight to be educated on her needs and medical conditions. I was ready to go then, but we were told to wait until we received a call. The following day, I received a call from a physician at the hospital and she told me that they had been informed that we were going to be the foster parents for baby S. She asked that I come as soon as possible to meet her. I left within the hour and was so thankful that my mom went with me. I will never forget walking into that hospital room and seeing my precious little girl laying in that crib all alone. The nurse picked her up and laid her in my arms and in an instant, she had my heart. I think I slept about an hour that night.  I spent so much time just staring at her, holding her, and taking care of her. The next day, we were released to go home. In just one week, we will celebrate one year since S joined our family.

Almost two weeks later, I received another call from Agape. I was told that the three siblings we had provided respite for were in need of a new home. I was also told that they were likely going to be separated for various reasons and asked if we would consider taking one or two of them. I knew exactly what Creig would say, but I told the director that I would need to call and talk with him first. When I called the director back to tell her that we would take any of them, I was told to sit tight. The next day, we were told that all three had been moved to a home in their area together and that they were hopeful that it would work out. Creig and I were thankful that they were able to stay together and continued to pray for them. The following week, I received another call from the director. She told me that the siblings were not moved just once in that previous week, but a total of three times. She then asked me again if we would consider taking any of them. I again told her yes, and she asked if we would take the two boys. After double checking with Creig, I called her back to find out when and where we would need to pick them up.  The following day, L and A were back in our home, but this time long-term. Their sister was placed in another home, but her foster parents were also clients of Agape. Thankfully, this meant that we would be able to have contact with them and work together to help maintain contact for A, L, and A.

Never in a million years, did we see our journey going in this direction. I had assumed we would hopefully adopt one child through foster care. It never crossed my mind that we would ever be considering adopting three children. Here we were, June of 2017, a family of 6. We had two boys and two girls, ages 10, 3, 2, and almost 2 months. In just two short weeks, our lives were forever changed. 

I would love to be able to say that from that day forward everything has been sunshine and rainbows, but that would be a lie. We have struggled, we have cried, we have hurt for our kids, and we have felt so defeated at times that we questioned how in the world we could ever be enough for them. But, we have also loved our kids more than we ever could have imagined. We have fought for them, advocated for them, encouraged them, supported them, and become their biggest fans. The traumatic and tragic experiences that our kids have had will forever be a part of them, but we are thankful to be able to hold them up in those difficult times and support them through it all.

Today, as I look back over the past year, I am so thankful and just so amazed at how far we have all come. I cannot even begin to express how much I love all of my kids. I am grateful that God chose us to be their Mommy and Daddy and can’t wait to watch them change the world.

Until today, we have only shared this with our family, but we have recently signed adoption petitions for A and L that are currently being filed with the Clerk of Court. We will soon be sending in our adoption petition for S as well. It is our hope that all three adoptions will be completed by the end of summer. We can’t thank all of our family and friends enough for all of the love and support given to us throughout this journey. It’s certainly not over yet, but we are so excited to soon begin a new chapter. Stay tuned!